13 Things Parents Wish Non-Parents Understood About Raising Kids
Envato Elements If you’re child-free, that’s great, but it’s clouding your judgment in many ways.
We know you mean well, but there are some things about raising kids that you just don’t get. It’s not your fault — how could you understand the all-consuming, life-altering reality of parenting until you’ve lived it? But that doesn’t make your well-intentioned comments and unsolicited advice any less grating. So, in the spirit of encouraging understanding (and preserving our sanity), here are 13 things parents wish you understood about the wild ride of raising little humans.
1. Sleep deprivation is no joke.
Source: Unsplash You think you know tired? Try surviving on snatches of sleep broken up by screaming infants and restless toddlers. The exhaustion of parenting is bone-deep, a fog that seeps into every crevice of your being. It’s not just the lack of sleep, it’s the constant vigilance, the inability to ever fully switch off. So when we show up to work with dark circles and a Pret coffee permanently attached to our hand, cut us some slack. We’re not lazy, we’re just knackered.
2. Our schedules revolve around our kids, not our social lives.
Remember the days of spontaneous pub nights and relaxed Sunday brunches? Yeah, neither do we. When you have kids, your schedule is dictated by nap times, bedtimes, and the endless parade of activities and appointments that come with raising small people. So if we can’t make it to your last-minute dinner party, or we have to leave the pub at 7pm, don’t take it personally. It’s not that we don’t want to socialise, it’s that our tiny tyrants have us on a tight leash.
3. We’re not being rude when we’re distracted, we’re just multitasking.
Source: Unsplash If we seem a bit scattered when you’re talking to us, it’s not because we’re not interested. It’s because our brains are constantly juggling a million things — did we pack enough nappies? Is that a rash or just a mark? When’s the last time they ate? We’re not ignoring you, we’re just trying to keep our little humans alive and well. So if we ask you to repeat yourself or seem a bit glazed over, bear with us. We’re doing our best.
4. Parenting is a full-time job, even if we have another one.
Source: Unsplash Just because we’re not getting paid doesn’t mean parenting isn’t work. In fact, it’s the most demanding, unrelenting job there is. There are no sick days, no holidays, no clocking off at 5pm. Even if we have a paid job outside the home, parenting is still a 24/7 gig. So when you ask us what we do all day or imply that we’re “just” a parent, it feels like a slap in the face. Raising humans is a huge responsibility and a lot of bloody hard work.
5. We’re not “lucky” to have a night out, we’re desperate for a break.
Source: Unsplash When we manage to wrangle a babysitter and have a rare night out, we’re not “lucky.” We’re desperate for a moment of adult interaction and a glass of wine we can finish without interruption. A night out isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity for our sanity. So when you see us out and about without our kids, don’t make a big fuss. Just let us enjoy our brief taste of freedom before we’re back on the parenting hamster wheel.
6. Our houses will never be pristine, and that’s okay.
If you come over to our house, and it looks like a hurricane hit a toy store, don’t judge. With kids, clean is a relative term. We’re just happy if we can see the floor and there’s nothing hazardous within reach. Keeping a house spotless with little ones running around is like trying to shovel snow in a blizzard — it’s a losing battle. So if you have to move a pile of laundry to sit down, just go with it. At least the place isn’t on fire.
7. We’re not being overprotective, we’re being responsible.
If we seem a bit hover-y or cautious with our kids, it’s not because we’re neurotic. It’s because we know how quickly things can go wrong. A split second of inattention can mean a fall, a choking hazard, or worse. So if we’re a bit quick to intervene or seem overly vigilant, cut us some slack. We’re not trying to coddle our kids, we’re trying to keep them out of A&E.
8. Parenting advice is rarely helpful unless we ask for it.
Every parent thinks they’re doing it right, and every non-parent thinks they could do it better. But the truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to raising kids. What works for one family might be a disaster for another. So unless we explicitly ask for your advice, it’s best to keep it to yourself. We’re not being dismissive, we’re just trusting our instincts and doing what works for our unique little humans.
9. We’re not ignoring you, we’re just spread thin.
If we take a while to return your text, or we seem a bit unresponsive, it’s not personal. It’s just that our attention is constantly being pulled in a million different directions. Between work, parenting, and trying to maintain some semblance of a life, there’s not a lot of bandwidth left over. So if we’re slow to respond, or we have to rain check on plans, please be patient. We value your friendship, we’re just stretched a bit thin.
10. Our kids’ needs come first, and that’s non-negotiable.
As much as we love our friends and value our careers, our kids will always be our top priority. If we have to cancel plans because of a sick child or miss a meeting for a school play, that’s just the way it is. It’s not that we don’t care about our other commitments, it’s that our children’s needs trump everything else. That’s the unwritten contract we signed when we became parents.
11. We’re not being lazy when we take shortcuts, we’re being efficient.
If you see us feeding our kids fish fingers and chips or letting them watch a bit too much telly, don’t tut. Sometimes, survival mode requires cutting a few corners. It’s not that we don’t care about nutrition or screen time, it’s that we’re picking our battles. If a frozen pizza means we can get through the witching hour without losing our minds, so be it. We’re not aiming for perfection, we’re aiming for getting through the day.
12. We appreciate your love for our kids, but we call the shots.
Source: Unsplash It’s wonderful when our friends and family adore our children. But sometimes, that adoration can veer into overstepping. At the end of the day, we’re the parents. We decide the rules, the routines, and the boundaries. So if we say no sweets before bed or no screen time during meals, that’s not a suggestion. It’s important to respect our parental authority, even if you think we’re being a bit strict. We’re not trying to be difficult, we’re trying to raise well-adjusted humans.
13. We’re doing the best we can, and we’re always doubting ourselves.
Here’s the thing about parenting: it’s a constant exercise in second-guessing yourself. Are we being too strict? Too lenient? Are we screwing them up for life? The weight of responsibility can be crushing, and the guilt is always lurking. So if we seem a bit frazzled or unsure, it’s because we’re winging it like everyone else. We’re doing our best to nurture these little souls, but we’re only human. A little empathy and encouragement can go a long way.
