16 Phrases Narcissists Commonly Use In An Argument
Envato Elements If you’ve ever been in an argument with a narcissist, you know how infuriating and upsetting it can be.
They have a way of twisting your words, shifting blame, and making you question your own sanity. It’s like trying to play chess with someone who keeps changing the rules and insisting they’re winning, even when they’re clearly not. Here are some of the more infuriating things they tend to say.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love to invalidate your feelings. If you get upset by their hurtful actions or words, they’ll accuse you of being overly sensitive. They’ll act like your entirely reasonable emotional response is the problem, not their behaviour. Don’t buy into it. Your feelings are valid, and you have a right to express them. A caring partner will try to understand and adjust their behaviour, not dismiss your emotions as an inconvenience.
2. “You’re remembering it wrong.”
Source: Unsplash Gaslighting is a narcissist’s favourite tactic. They’ll confidently tell you your memory of events is incorrect, even when you know it’s not. They might even tell a blatant lie and insist it’s the truth. The goal is to make you doubt yourself and your grasp on reality. Stand firm in what you know to be true. Don’t let them rewrite history to suit their narrative. Trust yourself and your recollections.
3. “You’re overreacting.”
Similar to “you’re too sensitive,” this phrase is meant to trivialise your legitimate reactions. A narcissist will often do something objectively hurtful or upsetting, then act like you’re being dramatic or irrational for getting upset about it. They may even compare you to themselves, saying they wouldn’t get so worked up over something so minor. Don’t let them set the standard for what’s an appropriate reaction. If something bothers you, you have a right to address it.
4. “I never said that.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists will often outright deny saying something they definitely said. Even if you have proof, they’ll insist they never uttered those words. This is another form of gaslighting meant to make you question your memory and perception. It’s also a way for them to avoid accountability. If they can convince you that you’re misremembering, they don’t have to take responsibility for their words. Don’t fall for it. Trust your recollections and don’t let them off the hook.
5. “You’re just jealous.”
Source: Unsplash If you express any sort of criticism or dissatisfaction with a narcissist’s behaviour, they may accuse you of being jealous of them. They’ll say you’re just envious of their success, popularity, or some other quality. This is a way to discredit your concerns and paint themselves as the superior party. Don’t take the bait. Your critiques of their actions are valid, regardless of any alleged jealousy. Stay focused on the issue at hand.
6. “If you really loved me, you would…”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation. They’ll try to use your love for them as a weapon against you. If you express a boundary or refuse an unreasonable request, they’ll say something like “If you really loved me, you would do this for me.” They’re trying to make you prove your love by giving in to their demands. Don’t fall for this guilt trip. Loving someone doesn’t mean sacrificing your well-being or abandoning your boundaries.
7. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Source: Unsplash This is a classic non-apology. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, a narcissist will shift the focus onto your reaction. They’re not apologising for what they did, they’re expressing sorrow that you feel hurt by it. It’s a subtle way of making your feelings the problem, not their behaviour. A genuine apology involves acknowledging the harmful action, expressing remorse, and committing to change. Don’t settle for this blame-dodging counterfeit.
8. “You made me do it.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists hate taking responsibility for their actions. If they do something hurtful or inappropriate, they’ll often try to pin the blame on you. They’ll say you pushed them to it, or your behaviour left them no choice. This is a way to avoid accountability and make you feel responsible for their poor conduct. Don’t accept this shifting of blame. They are in control of their own actions, and they need to own the consequences.
9. “You’re so selfish.”
Narcissists are the epitome of selfishness, but they love to project that trait onto other people. If you don’t immediately acquiesce to their every want and need, they’ll accuse you of being selfish. They’ll act like any instance of you prioritising yourself is a grave offence. Don’t let them guilt you into always putting them first. Taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish, it’s healthy. A balanced relationship involves give and take, not one-sided servitude.
10. “Nobody else has ever complained about this.”
Source: Unsplash When you bring up an issue with a narcissist’s behaviour, they may tell you that none of their previous partners ever had a problem with it. This is an attempt to invalidate your concerns and make you feel like you’re being unreasonable. Whether or not their claim is true, your feelings are still valid. Every relationship is different, and what worked for someone else may not work for you. Stand firm in your needs and expectations.
11. “You’re too needy/clingy.”
Narcissists often have a disdain for emotional needs in a relationship. If you express a desire for more quality time, affection, or communication, they may accuse you of being too needy or clingy. They’ll act like your perfectly normal relationship expectations are excessive and burdensome. Don’t let them shame you for having needs. A loving partner will want to meet your needs, not ridicule you for having them.
12. “I’m not discussing this again.”
Narcissists hate being questioned or called out on their behaviour. If you try to revisit an unresolved issue, they may shut down the conversation with a phrase like this. It’s their way of unilaterally deciding the discussion is over, often because they’re not getting their way. Healthy conflict resolution involves dialoguing until both parties feel heard, and a compromise is reached. Don’t let them shut down the conversation prematurely.
13. “You’re being paranoid.”
Source: Unsplash If you express suspicions about a narcissist’s behaviour (often with good reason), they’ll accuse you of being paranoid. They’ll act like your concerns are totally unfounded and a product of your overactive imagination. This is a form of gaslighting meant to make you doubt your instincts. Trust your gut. If something feels off, there’s often a reason. A trustworthy partner will reassure you, not dismiss your worries as delusions.
14. “I’m not perfect, but…”
Source: Unsplash A narcissist may start with what sounds like a humble admission, but there’s always a “but.” They’re not truly copping to any flaws or wrongdoings. It’s a setup for minimising their hurtful actions or shifting the blame onto you. A genuine acknowledgment of imperfection doesn’t need a “but” — it stands on its own, followed by efforts to improve and make amends. Beware of this sneaky attempt to dodge accountability.
15. “If you don’t like it, leave.”
Instead of addressing your concerns or trying to find a compromise, a narcissist may simply tell you to hit the road. It’s a callous ultimatum meant to shut down the discussion and make you feel powerless. In their mind, you can either accept their behaviour or get out. There’s no middle ground or room for improvement. A loving partner will work with you to resolve issues, not threaten abandonment at the first sign of discord.
16. “You’ll never find anyone better than me.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self-importance. They truly believe they’re the best you can do, and they’ll tell you as much. It’s a way to make you feel lucky to be with them and discourage you from leaving, no matter how poorly they treat you. Don’t buy into this arrogant nonsense. There are plenty of people out there who will treat you with the love, respect, and consideration you deserve. Don’t settle for a partner who thinks they’re doing you a favour by being with you.
